It has been an intense month, boosted by my laziness and procrastination-ish personality. I have been neglecting my blog because of my priorities to 1) enjoy the last of the summery weather; 2) lack of interesting stuff to report about; 3) studying for my certification exam. For some of you in the know, this was not my ‘first’ try. This is an expensive exam that I had taken, taken, and one more taken in the past year. The first failure, fine. I could deal with blowing $300 down the drain. It was just a ‘practice test’. But the second time, I started to doubt myself. But heck, maybe third time is the charm. I really thought I had it in the bag for good. I felt good the day I took it. My mindset was all ready tuned to a triumphing mode, all prepared to add the additional ‘letters’ right behind my last name. As luck tricked me once again, I left the door with tail down. Perhaps I was not meant for that profession. The profession does not want me. This past year, my job luck is negative zero. I am either unemployed, got hired but the business went down under, or just never got back a second interview. If my EQ is not high, depression might have been upon me.
I wanted to twist my fate. Break the curse. So, I purposely chose to take my exam on Friday the 13th. If fate wanted to play trick with me, so be it. I will not be defeated. You wanted me to lose? Well, let’s play hard ball. I kept all my routine, did not veer away for a sec. I still exercised the morning of, still ate the same food, and I was even surprised I slept well. I also ‘felt right’ when I have been encountering small ‘luck’ the past few days, like finding dimes on the street, meeting friendly strangers, or just getting my way around things that I did not normally experience before. Sure, these are miniscule events (dimes? Please, tell me when you find a hundred-dollar bill), but I saw these as signs of fortune. Call me superstitious, but I do believe in these things, especially when you are desperate. Not many people supported me in my study. I did not make many friends academically and one of my ‘close relative’ never believed in my work. However, there are still plenty of supporters who I knew still wanted me to succeed. The night before, I was fortunate enough to chat with a fellow colleague on Facebook. She passed her exam just recently (and she graduated a year after me), but she was so supportive and comforting and guided me on test taking tips and provided sound advice. Just the chat online comforted me. Gave me a positive outlook.
To fast forward the story a bit, I did not look at the result right away. With the printed sheet handed faced down to me. I immediately folded it in half and stuffed it into my backpack. I was still, too scared and nervous to read the results. Fourth try. Almost a thousand dollar commitment. Do I really need a 5th? Do I even WANT a 5th? What would happen if I did not make it? My future is ruined. Finished. Finito. I relieved myself in the restroom, then determinedly unfolded the ‘life contract’. YAY! This time, the wordings are different! That’s a good sign.
CONGRATULATIONS! The paper read. I screamed out. Silently. I almost cried on the street. Almost. Although I passed just by a few points, still, I won. I have defeated my demon. There is finally a closure. I am now a certified professional. Something to be proud of. I shared my joy with my family and friends and they are all happy for me. I wanted to thank everyone who believed in me. Who never put me down and is selfless enough to say I should own my success and not just their support. But really. The late night colleague chat, the online conversation with my far-away relatives, and my own mother at home, who provided me financially and emotionally, they are my rock. They ‘egged’ me on because if not, I would not be where I am right now.
I want to use my knowledge and experience purposefully and professionally. I am actively seeking jobs in my health field. While full-time employment is difficult to come by, but I do see some contract opportunities. One caveat is the commuting. Without a car, public transportation is all I have. But I will stay positive. I cannot disappoint myself or my loved ones. I want to do good to the community. I just need to take baby steps. I learn a lot daily.